Confidence. We all want it.
“If only I had the confidence to pursue my dream job, to start that new business, to go back to school, to join that social group…”
Why is confidence so hard? Why does it seem natural for some and not for others?
Well, in my experience confidence is not something that develops overnight, and it is not something we’re necessarily born with. In fact, the areas of our strengths and gifting are often the areas we struggle with the most with confidence. The very areas God has called us to shine in are often the areas we have to overcome insecurity and fear the most. Ask any person you look up to and wish you had their confidence if it all comes naturally to them and I guarantee you they will say it does not.
Confidence is a trait we have to develop and foster over time. We have to actively cultivate confidence in our lives and choose to stick the course. There will be many times you are tempted to throw in the towel and give up as you are stretched and taken out of your comfort zone. Don’t lose hope! You are actually being molded and formed into the identity God has for you as you go through the process. Take your focus off the destination and zone in on the journey to glean all the growth and experience available to you in everyday life moments.
Confidence develops one step at a time starting with….
Realizing it’s not all about you
Lack of confidence is often a result of scrutiny aimed at ourselves. When we become so focused on our performance, appearance, and how others are perceiving us we lose focus and it becomes all about looking good to others. Turn your focus on enjoying life and helping others to enjoy their lives. Make it about others.
Accepting that you’re not perfect
Expectation for perfection is always a formula for failure. Perfectionism is a form of control. Let go of control and focus on doing your best with excellence. You can still have a healthy level of confidence without being perfect.
Believing the best about yourself
The most important ingredient in gaining self confidence is belief in self! You won’t be able to move further than your own belief. You can’t rely on others belief in you either. It has to come from you. Believing in yourself is a choice, not a feeling. Make the choice first and your feelings will follow later.
Speaking positively to yourself
What is your self-talk like? Are you constantly negative and hard on yourself? Do you call yourself names or put yourself down? If so that needs to be replaced with positive self-talk in order to build confidence. Even if you don’t believe all the positive things you say about yourself say them anyways. The only way to reprogram your thinking is to actively change your thought-life. What you think on will become your belief system. Choose to speak encouragement and life over yourself and you will prosper.
Taking steps of faith
You cannot always wait for confidence before you take action steps. Sometimes you need to act and your confidence will follow. The only way to overcome fear is to face it. As you step out over and over again the very thing you were timid of becomes comfortable.
Learning from your mistakes
You must be willing to see the good that can come out of every situation. God promises it. Use every mistake as an opportunity to learn and grow. Beating yourself up and quitting the process could forfeit your destiny. Choose to be moldable.
Receiving constructive criticism and counsel
As a child you probably never wanted to hear your parents say they’ve been where you are and are more experienced and wise than you are. But looking back…it was true. Be willing to take advice from others and don’t think you know it all. Confidence grows as you grow. Take every opportunity to glean from the lives of others.
Continuing to try when you fail
You’ve probably all heard the saying, “Failure only happens when you refuse to get back up”. Making mistakes and not getting it right the first time does not equal failure. Oftentimes it is those very experiences that are teaching moments to help us get it right the next time. Resolve in your mind that you will not give up and you will see confidence develop as you continue to keep on going.
Learning to laugh
Your life was created to enjoy, not to endure. Lighten up and look for joy moments in your day. Laugh at yourself when you make mistakes. Make it a priority to laugh and enjoy life and confidence will naturally follow.
Giving it 100%
Don’t hold back! You only have one life to live. Your destiny is not automatically going to happen, you must be willing to seek it out. Make the choice to wholeheartedly jump in and allow God to do above and beyond what you ever imagined. Step out and do your best with excellence. You will reap what you sow and if you give 100% you will see the reward.
